In Store for Danger
by Nani Lupin
Summary: It should have been a normal shopping trip. But not when Lupin is out to steal a shopping cart. And the food mafia is in town. And the pies. Oh, the pies. Oneshot.


It was just supposed to be a shopping trip. That was all.  
But they didn't figure on all the trouble at this particular Costco...It all started with the usual strategy to speed through the store.  
"There's one cart left, Lupin! Get it before the old lady in the walker does!"  
Jigen bought them time by shooting the wheels off other shoppers' carts.  
"Goemon, do you have the coupons?" Lupin rushed off to the produce aisle while Goemon looked through his voluminous sleeves for the coupons that Lupin wanted. And then he saw it...! The largest selection of tofu he had ever seen in his life. All thoughts of coupons left his mind instantly.

Meanwhile, Lupin, with the last cart, and Jigen, with a cart he had stolen from a distracted soccer mom, were throwing in various fruits and veggies when the cabbages started groaning.  
"Zombie heads of lettuce! Quick Lupin, shoot them!"  
Lupin quickly turned the living cabbage into coleslaw. "Jigen, behind you!"  
Jigen barely evaded the attack of the suicidal hunk of limburger. It exploded on the floor and left a crater.  
There was evil laughter behind them, and they turned to see a man surrounded by living food with fangs.  
"Lupin, it's the Butcher! Who is also a mob boss!"  
"Can't we fight anyone without mob connections?"  
Lupin grew tired of the silliness of the situation and threw Slponge Cake, which is the most dangerous substance known to man, at the Butcher so he could continue shopping. The Butcher and his minions vaporized.  
Lupin raised his arms in victory, but suddenly found himself handcuffed.  
"Pops! What are you doing here?"  
"It's Interpol Day. I get a discount on everything. But now I have you!"  
Zenigata tried to reel in Lupin, but found the cuffs only to contain a can of peas.  
"How can they make it so cheap?"  
Lupin escaped while Zenigata was awed at the savings. Which wasn't for long. There was a sudden fight over an ear of corn by a 30-something man who lived with his mother and a hungry vegan. It flew out of their hands and conked Zenigata on the head.  
"-Huh? Lupin!" And so the chase began.  
Lupin and Jigen had split up, determined to finish shopping despite everything. Jigen went to Dairy, and Lupin went to Cereal.  
Zenigata, catching up, found a large crown of people in his way in front of a free sample stand.  
"Hey, everyone! There's a sale on pie!"  
Zenigata, after he had gotten up from the stampede that went over him for the Bakery, started the chase once again.  
"Did someone say pie?" Lupin perked up his ears, but was quickly dragged into another aisle by shadowy figure.

"Fujiko! What are you doing here?"  
"Lupin, listen: In this store is the only shopping cart that doesn't wobble. People have been saying that one exists, but they've never been able to prove it! If we steal it, think of the ransom we could demand from Costco to keep it under wraps!"  
"Lead the way, Fuji-cakes!" Lupin said with a wink. Fujiko grabbed Lupin and lead him away quickly.  
Jigen has found Goemon gazing in awe in front of the tofu. "Do you know where Lupin is?"  
All he got was a distracted grunt. Doesn't he know how important it is to weigh each tofu against the other? How much the firmness or the silkiness could affect the final dish?  
Jigen spied Lupin following Fujiko. "C'mon, Goemon! Nothing good ever happens when she's with him!"  
Jigen grabbed Goemon, who had time to just grab one tub of tofu.  
They all met up at the manager's office.  
"It's in there." Fujiko told Lupin. Lupin quickly filled in Jigen and Goemon.  
"How shall we approach this?" Lupin mused to himself...  
"Lupin!!" a trampled looking Zenigata had spotted them. Lupin knocked on the door.  
The manager came out. He looked like a small nervous man, but it was possible to tell he took his job very seriously.  
"That man," Lupin pointed to Zenigata. "Has been causing us disturbances all over the store. I am afraid I cannot think of ever coming back here if you allow this kind of thing to happen."  
The manager immediately ran off to meet Zenigata.  
"That should stall him for awhile..."  
There was a large wall safe, which Lupin opened easily. Inside was the cart, chained to a post with a very complicated lock.  
"But I'm telling you! They are thieves! Let me go! I need to catch them!"  
"I'm sure you do, but I really need to see some identification..."  
The sounds were getting closer.  
"Goemon, could you take care of these chains?"  
Goemon shook his head 'No'. He hugged his tofu tub.  
"Let Jigen hold that."  
"He might drop it. Only the worthy can hold the mighty tofu tub."  
Lupin sighed and started to work on the lock.

"Sir, do you know what kind of problems you have caused starting a sale unauthorized? And one on pie, of all things?!"  
"Listen, buddy, you're standing in the way of justice. Let me go before I have to go all judo loony!"  
Lupin was still struggling with the lock, and he could tell that they were almost back to the office.  
"Jigen, distract them, alright? I'm almost there."  
Jigen ripped Goemon's tub out of his hands and ran out of the office. Throwing the tub, it exploded at the manager and Zenigata's feet, causing them to slip and fall in a tangle of arms and legs.  
Goemon would have cried if he wasn't a man.  
Click  
The lock was open and Lupin and Fujiko started to free it from the chains. They grabbed the cart and barreled through the office door, running over Zenigata in the process, who had just snuck up on the office.  
As rushed away, they noticed they Zenigata had attached his handcuffs to the cart and was being dragged along with them.  
They 'decide' to make a sudden sharp turn. Zenigata was smashed into a large crowd...who were fighting over the pies.  
Lupin shoots the rope and Zenigata was cut loose. The automatic doors opened for Lupin, with Zenigata, covered in crust and filling, sliding close behind. He makes it just as the door closed, covering the glass with whipped cream and fruit.  
The manager stood over Zenigata with concern.  
"Sir? Who is going to pay for these damages?"  
"Uh, charge the ICPO." He said distractedly, waiting for the doors to open again. Once they did, he was out like a shot.

He looked around the parking lot, but he didn't see any sign of them. He did see a shopping cart that had a rope hastily tied to it being pulled away by a car.  
Thinking that who else but Lupin would do such a crazy thing, he jumped in just before they hit the gas.  
Hanging onto his hat with one hand, and pulling the rope with the other, he started to get closer to the car.  
"Lupin! We've got company!"  
Lupin tried taking a hard right, but Zenigata had already grabbed hold of the trunk. He climbed over the car and onto the roof. "Aha! I've got you now"  
Lupin slammed on the brakes, sending Zenigata flies into a street pie vendor.  
Why is it pie...?  
Was his only thought just before he was covered in pie again.  
Lupin leans out to apologize. "Sorry, Pops--"  
Zenigata decided that to pie him by was at least a little bit of revenge.  
Jigen laughed at Lupin as he drove away.  
They stopped to figure out what to do with the cart a few miles away, but Fujiko took that time to steal it for herself. She jumped in and rolled down the long hill they were on top of.  
Lupin, surprisingly, wasn't upset.  
"You don't think I saw this coming? That's a fake cart. It should start wobbling soon. The real one is back at the store. And we have," Lupin checked his watch. "10 minutes until closing time!"  
Jigen and Goemon happily jump back into the car.

Fujiko, angrily pushing a now wobbly cart, was spotted by Zenigata. Zenigata, covered in pie and have lost all trace of Lupin, was overjoyed at picking up the trail again. How he expressed this enthusiasm, however, gave Fujiko much to be desired.  
"Fujiko!! Get back here!" A barrage of throwing hand cuffs flew towards her.  
"Wait-what? I'm not Lupin! Leave me alone!"  
Fujiko started running, unconsciously still pushing the cart.  
"Where is Lupin?!"  
"I don't know! I ditched him! I took this cart, (which is fake!), and I left!"  
"Ha!" came the reply. Handcuffs were still flying. "Serves you right...So he probably went back to Costco!"  
Fujiko and Zenigata immediately forgot about the other and raced back to the store.  
And in a coincidences that could only happen in Lupin, they all arrive at the store at the same time.  
"YOU!" Screamed the manager as they all swept into the store. "I thought you might be back, so I called back up!"  
A ridiculous amount of police men streamed out of the aisles towards the gang. Lupin turned quickly and pointed to Zenigata.  
"He's a shoplifter!!"  
The policemen were immediately on top of him.

Lupin got to where he has stashed the cart, and made a break for it. "I'm Zenigata of the ICPO! And that man is Lupin III! If you don't get off and help me, I'll have all your badges!"  
At the name of Zenigata, the policemen all got up and fell into file.  
"Now, arrest that man!"  
The mass of police started after Lupin, crushing everything in their wake.  
Zenigata pushed to the front of the line, finding to his horror he had no handcuffs left. He grabbed some linked sausages and used them as a lasso around Lupin's arms.  
Jigen took over running with the cart.  
"Don't worry about me! I can take care of this!"  
Lupin quickly gnawed through the sausages, which was disgusting as they were uncooked, but he decided to deal with anything stomach problems later in return for his freedom.  
'Lupin III Caught with Sausage-Cuffs!' was not something he wanted in the Newspaper the next day.

The manager was giving chase to Lupin and the police, with his angry workers in tow.  
Zenigata ran past the lobster tank and threw some into the crowd. Screams were heard as they started to wrestle them. Zenigata knocked over a pyramid of coke bottles for good measure. The burst and sent liquid flying everywhere.  
They went to the paper good aisle next, and Zenigata mildly cursed to himself that there was nothing good to throw at Lupin or that good-for-nothing manager.  
"Look, Lupin! The paper towels are quilted for extra strength!"  
Goemon started gathering them up by the armfuls and pushing them into the cart.  
"If we're picking up supplies, how 'bout stopping by the liquor?" Jigen grumbled.  
"Sorry Jigen. There's no time for that." Lupin grabbed a roll of paper towels. "One ply?" He threw it back.  
"Goemon gets all the fun..."  
Jigen started toward the exit. "Hurry! 5 minutes!"  
The manager stood by the door with an evil grin as he locked it.  
"Jigen!"  
He shot the glass doors, the glass shattered and Jigen broke into a sprint. The manager dove away.

There were more police showing up in the parking lot, filling up all available space.  
Jigen stopped pushing the cart. The police in the parking lot thought that the mob coming out of the store was a riot was readying the shields and tear gas.  
"Any ideas?"  
"Yeah." Lupin tossed him a paper towel set. "Start weaving."  
He pointed up. Fujiko was coming toward them with a helicopter. She was going to get her cart no matter what, and had thought that Lupin might be in a spot of trouble by now. There was a hook coming down from the chopper, but she wouldn't be able to get low enough to use it. The police wouldn't let her. She was trusting Lupin to figure out a way around that.  
Lupin decided to put all his faith in Quilted Northern and made a rope with the toweling. He lassoed the hook and jumped into the cart. Jigen and Goemon followed suit, and with a strain, they were up in the air.  
Well, 3 feet. But, they were gaining.  
"Lupin!"  
Zenigata jumped into a squad car and called for the police from the store to follow. The police from the store and the police from the parking lot realized that they were on the same side, and jumped into cars to follow Zenigata.  
The gang was now 10 feet up and still getting higher. Fujiko didn't want to take them too high, because the make-shift rope might break and damage the cart. But she needed to get away from the police, first.  
She flew over a junkyard. Zenigata was too intent to find this odd, though some of the cars in back did not enter the dangerous place.  
"You're not getting away, Lupin!" Was the last thing he yelled before driving over the cliff at the end of the yard into the sea.  
He actually had to go through a fence first, but Zenigata never let anything stand in his way, right?

"Better luck next time, Pops!" Lupin called as they flew away into the sunset.  
Zenigata swam after them, shaking his fist all the way.  
Even after they had all made 10 million dollars each, Goemon thought it was such a tragic waste of tofu.  
And they never went to Costco again.

* * *

Yes this is based on a crazy RP I did with someone.  
I'm sorry.


End file.
